Bukowski, Charles : jam
[from The Last Night of the Earth Poems (1992) , Black Sparrow Press ]
​
1 that Harbor Freeway south through the downtown
2 area---I mean, it can simply become
3 unbelievable .
--
4 last Friday evening I was sitting there
5 motionless behind a wall of red taillights,
6 there wasn't even first gear movement
7 as masses of exhaust fumes
8 greyed the evening air, engines over-
9 heated
10 and there was the smell of a clutch
11 burning out
12 somewhere---
13 it seemed to come from ahead of me---
14 from that long slow rise of freeway where
15 the cars were working
16 from first gear to neutral
17 again and again
18 and from neutral back to
19 first gear.
--
20 on the radio I heard the news
21 of that day
22 at least 6 times, I was
23 well versed in world
24 affairs.
25 the remainder of the stations played a
26 thin, sick music.
27 the classical stations refused to come in
28 clearly
29 and when they did
30 it was a stale repetition of standard and
31 tiresome works.
--
32 I turned the radio off.
33 a strange whirling began in my
34 head---it circled behind the forehead, clock-
--
35 wise, went past the ears and around to the
36 back of the head, then back to the forehead
37 and around
38 again.
39 I began to wonder, is this what happens
40 when one goes
41 mad?
--
42 I considered getting out of my car.
43 I was in the so-called fast
44 lane.
45 I could see myself out there
46 out of my car
47 leaning against the freeway divider,
48 arms folded.
49 then I would slide down to a sitting
50 position, putting my head between
51 my legs.
--
52 I stayed in the car, bit my tongue, turned
53 the radio back on, willed the whirling to
54 stop
55 as I wondered if any of the others had to
56 battled against their
57 compulsions
58 as I did?
--
59 then the car ahead of me
60 MOVED
61 a foot, 2 feet, 3 feet!
--
62 I shifted to first gear ...
63 there was MOVEMENT!
64 then I was back in neutral
65 BUT
66 we had moved from 7 to
67 ten feet.
--
68 hearing the world news for the
69 7th time,
--
70 it was still all bad
71 but all of us listening,
72 we could handle that too
73 because we knew
74 that there was nothing worse than
75 looking at
76 that same license plate
77 that same dumb head sticking up
78 from behind the headrest
79 in the car ahead of you
80 as time dissolved
81 as the temperature gauge leaned
82 more to the right
83 as the gas gauge leaned
84 more to the left
85 as we wondered
86 whose clutch was burning
87 out?
--
88 we were like some last, vast
89 final dinosaur
90 crawling feebly home somewhere,
91 somehow, maybe
92 to
93 die.
Bukowski, Charles : in and out of the dark
[from The Last Night of the Earth Poems (1992) , Black Sparrow Press ]
1 my wife likes movie houses, the popcorn and soft drinks, the
2 settling into seats, she finds a child's delight in
3 this and I am happy for her---but really, I myself, I must have
4 come from another place, I must have been a mole in another
5 life, something that burrowed and hid alone:
6 the other people crowded in the seats, near and far, give me
7 feelings that I dislike; it's stupid, maybe, but there it
8 is; and then
9 there's the darkness and then the
10 giant human faces, bodies, that move about on the screen, they
11 speak and we
12 listen.
13 of one hundred movies there's one that's fair, one that's good
14 and ninety eight that are very bad.
15 most movies start badly and steadily get
16 worse;
17 if you can believe the actions and speech of the
18 characters
19 you might even believe that the popcorn you chew also
20 has a meaning of
21 sorts.
22 (well, it might be that people see so many movies
23 that when they finally see one not
24 so bad as the others, they think it's
25 great. an Academy Award means that you don't stink
26 quite as much as your cousin.)
27 the movie ends and we are out in the street, moving
28 toward the car; "well," says my wife, "it wasn't as
29 good as they say."
30 "no," I say, "it wasn't."
31 "there were a few good parts, though," she replies.
32 "yeah," I answer.
33 we are at the car, get in, then I am driving us out
34 of that part of town; we look around at the night;
​
33 we are at the car, get in, then I am driving us out
34 of that part of town; we look around at the night;
35 the night looks good.
36 "you hungry?" she asks.
37 "yes. you?"
38 we stop at a signal; I watch the red light;
39 I could eat that red light---anything, anything at
40 all to fill the void; millions of dollars spent to create
41 something more terrible than the actual lives of
42 most living things; one should never have to pay an
43 admission to hell.
44 the light changes and we escape,
45 forward.
THE ALIENS
By Charles Bukowski
you may not believe it
but there are people
who go through life with
very little
friction or
distress.
​
they dress well, eat
well, sleep well.
they are contented with
their family
life.
​
they have moments of
grief
but all in all
they are undisturbed
and often feel
very good.
​
and when they die
it is an easy
death, usually in their
sleep.
​
you may not believe
it
but such people do
exist.
​
but I am not one of
them.
​
oh no, I am not one
of them,
I am not even near
to being
one of
them
​
but they are
there
and I am
here.